Do you sometimes feel like you’re invisible, struggle to get your voice heard or, when all eyes are on you, wish the ground would swallow you up?
Whether you enjoy life in the spotlight or not, it’s essential to recognise that in a busy, competitive workplace, there are times when you need to command attention in order to get things done. This isn’t necessarily about being liked or popular, but about compelling people to want to do things with or for you.
Magnetism is about the art of attraction and standing out from the crowd. It’s about being confident that when you open your mouth, people will not only want to listen, but also hang onto your every word. And because it’s rare for anyone to accomplish anything without the support of others, it can be the difference between being successful in life, or not.
Magnetism in action
Think about events you’ve been to and the difference between the speakers. They may be delivering an equally important message, but it’s the ones with gravitas and charisma that captivate you, that are most memorable, and whose stories stick in your mind. The rest? Meh. Your phone and that gif of a cat trying to start a fight with its tail suddenly appear far more interesting.
I understood the importance of magnetism when advising a friend struggling to make her presence felt at her new job. Surrounded by big personalities, she played small, seemingly unable to be the feisty and hilarious woman I know her to be. She’s far from shy, but somehow in this new office environment, she was sinking without a trace. Eventually, I gave her some coaching to get to the core of her self-limiting behaviour and tackle her loss of sparkle in this challenging situation.
We had to dig deep to raise her awareness of her own brilliance and help her feel at ease with being herself (that is, her best self). As her confidence came back, her natural presence and humour started to emerge and she found herself being noticed for all the right reasons.
Why do we need magnetism?
Knowing how to ‘switch on’ your magnetism can make a huge difference to your effectiveness at work and in life. When you switch on your magnetism:
- You make a memorable impact: we all know people who hide their light under a bushel and find themselves walked over, talked over or passed over as a result. Having magnetism is the opposite: your presence, ideas and interjections are noticed and you make a difference.
- You stand out from the crowd: having a magnetic quality means you develop a strong personal brand. People not only know who you are, but also what you represent and what makes you different, both in person and online.
- You deliver a compelling message: magnetism means people want to hear you speak because you communicate your vision, opinions and demands in ways that resonate with them. Result: your message is received loud and clear.
- You draw people to you: with magnetism, you entice people to want to be around you, whether that’s working in your team or spending time with you socially.
What gets in the way?
Girls especially are taught from a very young age to ‘be quiet’, ‘don’t show off’, ‘sit still’ and not take up space’, none of which is conducive to practising those magnetic behaviours which attract attention to you. Unfortunately, there are a number of other powerful factors that stop us from truly shining our light.
Here are four common, interconnected barriers to magnetism, and what you can do to make sure you get the attention you desere.
Mood hoovers: When it comes to relationships we are hugely influenced by those closest to us, who have a big impact on our self-esteem, the way we think, the decisions we make and how we come across. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so it pays to choose wisely.
Being around people with whom you have complex and difficult relationships can have a detrimental effect on how you come across. Whereas if you spend time with positive people who believe in you, cheer you on and are themselves doing great things, this will undoubtedly rub off and brings out the best in you.
While it’s important to be surrounded by people who believe in us, it’s also necessary to have those who will give honest, critical feedback when necessary, if we are to bring out the best in ourselves.
Others shining more brightly: Although some of us are comfortable commanding attention when we need to, there is only so much room under the spotlight. What can sometimes get in the way of our magnetism is when someone else is shining their light so brightly that it ends up eclipsing ours. This is a shame because it’s important that we all get the attention when we want or need to.
If you’re in danger of feeling outshone, change your mindset. Think of magnetism as reciprocal energy: identify the facets of your personality that you’d like to share with others, notice the gifts you appreciate and would like to receive from others and remind yourself that there is enough limelight for everyone!
Reluctance to put ourselves out there: Many people are nervous or uncomfortable about being the centre of attention, in real life or on social media. Some of us worry that we’ll be seen as show-offs if we do. Unfortunately, if you’re quietly doing your thing in a corner, people will not get to appreciate all the amazing qualities you bring, which means that they’ll be missing out and so will you.
Increase your visibility by being relevant and useful. Share information that you know people will value, schedule one to ones to explore how you can support one another, attend relevant networking events and practice introducing yourself in a compelling way.
Competitiveness. There are moments when it’s hard not to feel envious of others’ success, especially if we see them as our peers. It can be especially challenging if we feel they are storming ahead and ‘owning’ something that we see as our ‘patch’.
Competition can be hugely corrosive and lead to negativity and a lack of confidence. Rather than comparing yourself to others, focus on your own goals and challenge yourself to make progress in your own way.
In my opinion, it’s completely OK to not be the most magnetic person in the room – but I strongly recommend that you find ways to step out of the shadows and claim your place in the sun, because if you don’t, the world will be a much duller place.
By Antoinette Dale Henderson, who is a women’s leadership expert and the author of Power Up: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Unleashing Her Potential. To find out about Antoinette’s courses, go to: https://gravitasprogramme.com/events-and-courses/
